The Stoke is High

The stoke is high.

Upper Mike Uhtoff trail during Mtn Trail Run class

Learning to lead climb at Honey Combs during Rock 2 class recently

Raising the stoke is paramount. Its the end game and purpose of life. There aren't other priorities. It is THE singular, defining, and forecasting element of each moment forevermore.

I've had some great running in the last month. I've had some great distractions from my running in the last month. I think they are helping me, and my running. Here's some stoke lifters lately;

-Beautiful cool, crisp, clear with the slightest blue haze weather this late morning to foster the greatness of my run.
-Feeling physically healthy as can be, heart pumping with so much variety I can hardly be not stoked. Running, climbing, resting, and thinking.
-Finding comfort and balance in the everyday, being more present (which I've found hard to describe, sorry).

Since my latest post I've run a 10k and it went great, I was 2nd overall behind a stud who put 2 mins on me in 5 miles. It was the Talent Harvest festival race. I'm feeling really fit and ready to roll. I have Lithia loop trail marathon in a couple weeks and I am approaching/starting my taper now!

My volume of training hasn't been as high as I had planned 6 weeks ago, that's due to some of the stoke raising factors I mentioned above. My confidence in sustaining a homeostatic mental state more than makes up for slight physical deficiencies I may have from a lack of an additional 10-20 miles per week of volume that I may have been doing otherwise.

I once presented a "I believe" paper in front of my high school English class as a senior. It essentially was a long list of bullet points sharing things that I believed, or did not believe. In it, I said I believed in "the purpose of life", and did not expand on that idea. I was questioned afterward about its religious (and otherwise) significance to which I didn't have the time to get into, nor was I sure that I wanted to elaborate for this particular person.

My beautiful bike commute to get some food from the co-op

Regardless, 8 years later, I have found one of many simple, under-explained, brief, and often misunderstood explanations of my purpose of life.

Raise the stoke. Find ways to be stoked. Do it as much as possible. Do in in a variety of ways, perhaps with a variety of people. Find love. With things, feelings, people, movements, moments, memories and thoughts.

While teaching my Mountain Trail Running Class up in the woods of Ashland

I found out recently I am going to be an uncle. That's a big deal. Its an opportunity and a beautiful thing. I'm just glad its my brother becoming a father right now, and not me (yet?).

Stoke is high, and lifting higher. Carpe Diem yolo yada yada yada

Feeding on beautiful fuel, and lots of it

Welcome back to Southern Oregon

Southern Oregon is home. It wasn't before. As a teenager I had a fantasy or two about running in Oregon. It was this magical place that wasn't crowded with people and cement all over the place like southern California was to me. Over time I learned to love and appreciate both places for their uniquenesses. Having spent most of the past 2 years in Ashland, I've really come to love being here. Visiting where I grew up has also been fulfilling but its never exactly the same once you get the "home" feeling elsewhere (for me at least).

Running lately

Its great. 

Warming up with the high school before their time trial in July.

During May and June I was training for Harding Hustle 50k that was in late July. I spent my month+ in socal coaching and running with the high school and that was great too. The 50k went really well and training with the teens made me a lot quicker which is hard for me to do on my own. It was a lot of fun on Sundays too to sneak off and do a long run on my own or with whatever poor soul I could convince to come along (fellow coaches Mark and Liam mostly). After my time in Ashland, I have a newer appreciation for trails near home so I was finding I didn't have enough time to get to all of them while down south, so I did all I could and had a blast.

Mammoth Lakes

During the warmup before we tackled big smokey. A half marathon at 6000+ feet with some good vert in just over 90 minutes... And that was me holding them back for 10 miles of it.

Anyone who really knows me knows I love being in ML. I've lived there for a couple summers and spent several week long stints there too. I have yet to be there in winter but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. 

Running sweep on Mammoth Rock trail. These guys and gals were rolling down this one!

Being in Mammoth for the XC camp was a lot of fun like it always is. I really get a lot personally out of helping to foster and develop young (people) runners and share my love of trails and running and mammoth with these young budding minds.

Ah before I forget, last summer when biking everything rather than running because of a bum foot, I set the goal of setting our hill climb race course record a year later. Welp, I did it! Honestly I am just so pleased that I was able to come back a year later and be fit have fun push hard and achieve that goal I set a year earlier. Something about doing a lot of training in Ashland must have helped. Oh yea its probably the 5-12 thousand feet of elevation climbing I do per week. :)

The view of twin lakes from horseshoe, where we did a couple doubles. 

Rainbow Falls and Devils Post pile and some PCT + John Muir action. I can't get enough of it.

Motorcycle Tour

Kind of a tour. I rode my Yamaha v-star 650 up to Ashland via a scenic route I put together. Here is how it played out:
Monday: 7hrs Socal>Mammoth Lakes
Tuesday: 3-4hrs ML > South Lake Tahoe
Wednesday: 9hrs > Ashland

The total drive time was more like 16-17hrs total but those times include gas and rest breaks. 

My camp in Mammoth. Some pine cone insulation and a tarp did the trick.

On my way over the hill to south Lake Tahoe. Beautiful ride between Mammoth and Tahoe.

Being in ML especially was great. Even though I was just there for a week with the high school, being there on my own made it feel more like the times I've spent living there (even though it was only 2 months at the longest stint). This time was 24 hours of bliss.

This brings us to now.

Leaving my camp in the wilderness at horsetail falls in south Lake Tahoe. Stoked I got to wear the pack for a hot second.

Lithia Loop Trail Marathon
That's what I'm training for currently. After my success at harding hustle 50k I've decided that targeting a race and training specifically for it is generally worth the commitment. This may seem obvious but I've been more of a run by mood kind of guy in the past. That's still meant real training, but less structured and less specific. 

I started doing the Uphill challenge periodically.
Its 15 minutes at 15% incline on a treadmill.
This was the first try, I got 1.67 the next time!

I am taking lithia loop pretty seriously so my training is very specific. Its been good too lately. Coming off of the time running a bit quicker with the high school to now, I'm in about the best shape I've ever been in and that's exciting. The consistency I was missing a year ago is now my biggest asset. Combining that with specificity of training for goal races is the plan. I still have some 8 weeks or so until lithia loop which feels like a while to me so I may add a race in about 2-3 weeks just to mix it up and get a hard 20 mile trail race check up leading into the goal race.

Pine To Palm 100

I just volunteered at Pine To Palm 100 last weekend! It was such a cool experience helping out through the whole thing. I definitely learned a lot and gained more respect for the task of a 100 miler in the mountains! 

Race briefing friday evening. Hal did an awesome job keeping it short. 
With a 100 miler, theres a lot that could be said.

Dusk during my sweep from mile 42 to 50. This was definitely a NEW experience.

Setting up at 50 miles. This was a nice little buffet once all ready to go.

First finisher just after midnight (sat night/sunday morning) in 18:12.
Incredible 2nd fastest time on course on a hot year too.

From 50K to 5K (in 1 week)

Racing a 50K and a 5k in the same week... Stupid, yes. I'll be the first to say that. Justification? A free 5k race entry. Does it feel justified, no. But that's okay. I'm alright with it.
_________________________________________

I was considering updating my Harding Hustle 50K race report with better photos and maybe how the week after went but thought it better to write another post altogether (I do have the time for it anyhow).

Maple Springs: Mile 9 at 2nd aid station (first time I got water)

The day after the 50k I felt.... Not too bad. Certainly sore some and maybe just a little hitch in my step walking around but really nothing to be concerned about. This was expected considering the race course and not quite being a seasoned 50k-er. Being that I coach high school cross country while in so-cal for summers, I am expected to run with the team daily. I love this and its great, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel for a 10-12 mile 2nd half progression on the Monday following a Saturday ultra.
It turns out, I didn't feel too bad. Here is My Strava Profile to see the specifics.

Stupid to run like that 2 days after a hard(ing hustle) 50k? Yea probably. Okay I'll even say definitely. But I planned to run easier some other time that week. Well, that hardly happened.

I finally took an dedicated easy day Friday but it was really there to help with the 5k I was racing Saturday morning. As staff/racing team for A Snail's Pace Running Shop in Mission Viejo, I typically get one free race entry a month (of a specified race) and this 5k was the only one I'd be able to do while in town so I did it. I ran 16:40 and it was pretty fun. I planned to pace a friend at 5:30s but even warned him I may not be up to it. First mile was 5:38, so I started picking it up. My GPS lost its connection during the second mile, but I'm pretty sure that split was around 5:20. The 3rd mile split was just under 5:00. It felt so fun and controlled to negative split like that! I didn't plan to run super hard for the sake of not getting hurt or causing problems for myself after my big day 1 week earlier but I found myself pushing relatively hard, but in a very controlled and manageable way.

Careful footing for for sure!
This is what everything in the middle 13 miles looked like rock wise.

Running a 5K on the road only 1 week after a trail 50K was weird. But it was totally fun. I realize this is not a smart way to train nor is it sustainable, but I hope I'll keep myself in check enough to not sacrifice my health for a "fun" free race or some otherwise risky run especially considering some of my larger and more long term goals.

Maybe I should start by writing down some of those goals so as to keep myself more accountable. So far all I have is a goal of beating our coaches hill climb record during the Mammoth Lakes running camp we have coming up with the high school, but thats not really anything to think too much about. Otherwise, The Lithia Loop Trail Marathon in Ashland, OR is my next true goal race, but that's not until November! I guess I need to start thinking... Any suggestions? Just keep in mind I will be in Ashland indefinitely starting in 2 weeks!


PS: Gear/food during the 50K:

NUTRITION:
-1 GU every 45 mins, mostly caffeinated but it doesn't really matter for me.
-1 salt pill usually at each hour.
-2-4 turmeric pills (for general inflammation) randomly through race.
-2-3 magnesium pills to stave off I.T. band issues from changing of incline to decline.
-Just shy of 40 oz of water. (Refilled my 10 oz three times during race)

GEAR:
-New Balance 1080v3s
-Performance boosting Rogue Valley Runner Hat.
-Nathan 10oz
-Amphi-pod belt (I now have a SpiBelt-endurance and like it much better)
-No sunscreen (I mildly regretting this)
-Slightly orange tinted beard (to derive power from)

Harding Hustle 50K Race Report

Strava Data can be viewed here:

http://www.strava.com/activities/353959165


I did all of my specific training for this in Ashland, Or. The incredible access and ability to create training routes could not have been better. Early on, I had misread the race site and thought that the race had 7000 feet of elevation gain. Much of my specific training long runs and some moderate to easy runs had a lot of elevation gain in order to prep for all that gain in the race. I ran up to about 4000 feet of gain in well under 3 hours a few times, so finding out the 7000 foot approximation was really about total elevation CHANGE (meaning the ascent and the descent combined) rather than pure GAIN was actually really relieving. When I got out on the course during the race, I was pleasantly surprised by the uphill gradient being easier than many of my training runs. I'm just glad I misread the elevation profile to show more gain rather than less. Regardless the preparation went pretty great with some but overall quite minor hiccups.
After last summers issues with my foot injury and then knee injury from crashing a bike on top of it, it seemed like I hadn't been training in forever. I've always relied on my consistency and base so when that wasn't something I could fall back on anymore, I was forced to reevaluate how and why I train and what could make me successful. It took some serious months to get to the fitness I'm at now, but the most important part of those months was the slow volume progression. Partly due to being busy but also by design. In any case, I'm just glad to be where I am now in my training and racing fitness.

 During the last minute of the race! Thanks to my cheer section of my parents and Brian Wagner (the trabuco kid)!

Harding Hustle 50K was one of few races that I have planned on running and running well from a few months beforehand. Its amazing how well specificity in training helps! I had two quantifiable goals and some others that were less defined. I figured if I had a great day, I may be able to get under the course record of 4:01:55. The other ideal goal was to win (which i figured would likely come along with running under the CR). You just can't know who will show up (well there is strava-stalking), how they'll run and what conditions will be like, etc etc.


(Actual race report starts here)
I ran well within myself and that found me leading with a small group for the first hour or so. After skipping the first aid station and filling my 10 oz bottle in seriously less than 10 seconds at Maple Springs aid station(9 miles in), I found myself with a small gap ahead of the field as I made my way up Modjeska peak the first time (12 miles in). Just as we hit main divide after descending modjeska I moved into second place when eventual winner Jacob made a strong push to get to Santiago peak first (16 miles in and the turnaround point). I found out later that he just had a son and named him Santiago, unknowingly about to run to this peak of the same name just weeks later-pretty cool hu?! Over about 3 miles up towards santaigo peak, Jacob but about 3 minutes on me, he widened that gap by about 1 more minute but otherwise we maintained the same gap all the way to the finish. Maybe I should have risked a late bonk by sticking with him for the santiago assault, but ultimately I think he was just stronger than I and I made the right choice.

I had really done my homework and even memorized some splits in which Ben Bartley had run his course record in last year. I knew how long it took him to get to maple springs on the way out, modjeska peak the first time, and santiago peak, as well as maple springs on the descent. As the race played out, I was ahead of CR pace by 2 minutes, then 5 at modjeska, then somewhere between 2-5 the rest of the race. I lost a little time to Ben's incredible descent in the last 9 miles but went in ahead of pace so it evened out with me ahead by a mere 10 seconds or so (still waiting on official results). Regardless, this was all while Jacob was running about 4 minutes ahead of me. I would have loved to win and go sub 4 hours, but I am honestly so happy with my 4:01.
This was a PR by about an hour and a half from my first attempt at the 50k distance, and its a time I thought I could only run if everything went pretty perfectly. All in all, I ran faster than I thought was likely and my stoke level on my running lately certainly got a boost upward. That is really saying something too because I've been pretty happy about my running lately.

Getting my recovery on post-race! I always wanted inflatable pants...

A huge congrats to all the runners out there today! I only dealt with about an hour of bright sun and heat but I know those that were out there longer had a pretty different race and weather experience. It would have been a whole different story had I needed to take care of myself for another hour or more beyond what I did as it started getting hotter and brighter. I was extremely impressed with the toughness people showed coming in.

This was a few feet off the fire road less than a half mile from the start/finish area. Gave my Dad a little rattling-hello from a closer than comfortable distance. Glad I didn't have to contend with this while running. 

Shout out to some Trabuco Hills XC alumni putting it all out there for their first 50K's, Mandy and Doe!

*Pictures to come, thanks (I think) to another THHS runner Drew who was out on course with a camera in hand.

Training fitting into life or life fitting into training?

I am generally an open book if questions are posed to me. This has provided the people that ask me questions a good understanding of where I lie regarding many things. When discussing studying for a final term test recently, I briefly explained why I hadn't really been preparing for the test despite its huge importance to my graduation timeline. Here's a paraphrase of what I said...

"I am far enough along in discovering my personal identity that I know what I am willing and not willing to tolerate. Knowing how miserable something will make me leaves me quite literally incapable of spending time doing it. So no, I haven't studied for my math final..."

I felt pretty happy about the quick and concise personal-identity-realization moment I had just had and have reflected on it much since. This brings me to relating it all to training and how it fits or doesn't fit into whatever daily life looks like at a particular time. 

If running for 2 hours before work on a Sunday morning sounds awful when I wake up, there is an incredible chance that I won't do it. Does this affect my training? Hell yes. But training doesn't have the same pull it used to have over me anymore. I'm really happy with the balance I've been able to strike in the last few months. My volume of training is slightly less than it would be a year or two ago if I had similar fitness goals, but I'm okay with that. Race results are definitely big goals for me, but minimizing personal misery is by far more important. Now I want to get something straight, training rarely makes me anything close to miserable. But I think most any distance runner would tell you the compromises of comfort, sleep, stress, social lives, etc can be difficult to justify in place of training, which can be considered a pretty selfish act in the first place.

The moral this story is really just that a happy runner is a good runner. Obviously we all find happiness in different ways and places. I've known many runners (including myself) who at least occasionly struggle with truly wanting to put in the run or workout that's planned for the day. For me, following the path of least resistance toward general happiness and feeling good has lead me to some really fun running, great fitness, and a pretty different training schedule/routine than I've had in the past.
I'm just wanting to say training doesn't always fit into life very well, but there are ways to be fit and sleep-in on "those" mornings! I'm just really stoked to have the relationship I have with running and life combined.

Soda Mountain Wilderness

I recently went hunting for mushrooms in a legally designated wilderness area. These areas are scattered around here and there, many of which you may have been to and hadn't even known it. I went looking for black morel mushrooms, which I hadn't heard of until a couple weeks before but I found out that they are actually an expensive food and a hot topic to collect in and around this southern Oregon area.

A small Morel mushroom I found

 This area hosted many native american people for thousands of years including Modoc, Klamath, and Shasta tribes. The 1850's brought new people to the region in search of gold. The biological and geological diversity is a strong point here that can't be matched by wilderness areas much of anywhere else. this is the place where Oregon's eastern desert meets towering fir forests. Some tree species found here are firs and sunlit oak groves as well as open meadows of wildflowers and the always popular morel mushroom. The wildlife too is in abundance with such animals as elk, mountain lions, black bears and a variety of large birds of prey including bald eagles.

Coyote sized pile of bones I found. Lots of bones, lots.

Just off the road where the car was parked. Totally impassible in a car.

I found the above image very much a bummer at first sight but realized it was put in place to end the road and commence the wilderness. If it weren't put here people would be able to drive a vehicle inside the wilderness which, we all know is not permitted. Of all the ways to keep vehicles out, I find this method decent. No fencing or structures needed to be built, no outside materials were scatter the area, etc. Despite having a ugly huge trench dug through, it seems to me as one of the best ways to do what its doing.

Its official

Eating miners lettuce in the wilderness

I was pretty happy that Sean was with us and pointed out miners lettuce. I realize this is not a precious commodity per-say but I have very little knowledge of edible wild plants and won't often pass up free food so this really covered all the bases for me. I'm confident I could get through a day or two in these woods without too much discomfort just eating miners lettuce, there is a bunch of it and has a high water concentration. Survival food!

Resources:

http://www.blm.gov/or/wilderness/sodamountain/

http://www.wilderness.net/NWPS/wildView?WID=748

http://www.oregonwild.org/wilderness/wilderness-across-oregon/soda-mountain-wilderness

Clearly, my interests vary.

Clearly, my interests vary. Isn't that ideal in a lot of ways though? Some of the most well rounded and healthy people have their feelers in a multitude of things simultaneously and excel in only a few of them. Exercise of the physical, mental, and social varieties cannot be overstated. Its called health. It takes a lot of different things all working together to create homeostasis of the mind and body(...spirit/soul?).

I was assigned the reading of  "let my people go surfing" by Yvon Chouinard, founder and owner of Patagonia. I read the following excerpt today.

"I've always thought of myself as an 80 percenter. I like to throw myself passionately into a sport or activity until I reach about an 80 percent proficiency level. To go beyond that requires an obsession and specialization that doesn't appeal to me. Once I reach that 80 percent level I like to go off and do something totally different..."

I am currently in a haze of influence and fluttery ideals that many people wouldn't give a second thought about. I have given many more than two thoughts. I'm far past my 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. Sure, the stories and imagery and all of the Patagonia book is very hip, but I am not ashamed of identifying with something whether it is popular, unpopular, evil, or holy, as long as I think its good. I create my own identity, so why does it matter what ya'll think about what I think... Or what I think about what you think I'm thinking...?

Anyway, this excerpt is one of many in the book that illustrates a great idea that had a few more than two thoughts in my head. Being an 80 percenter in activity gets me a B. I have been a 3.0 GPA kind of student for years now, maybe this is a good way of explaining my tolerance and how it varies with different activities and time. Whatever, I like it.

Day 1: Post-Collegiate Athlete

I haven't graduated yet, but I have stopped competing for the school. So that still counts as post-collegiate athlete, right?
It's not an eligibility issue, grades problem, or getting kicked off type of thing, but as of yesterday I won't be competing in college anymore.

I sat with coach and told him that this was the best thing for me to do and to my surprise, he was completely supportive and seemed almost as relieved as I am. For teammates and probably a few others, it's been no secret that my coach and I have but heads a bit during my time here at SOU and especially recently. This primarily is due to my decisions to pursue outside interests simultaneously as I train and compete, and his reactions to those decisions. Here's where I could go off and describe it all, but I don't want to, and thats not really the point I'm going for anyway.

Today is my first day as a post collegiate runner, and my run went great. 

Of course I had good runs before, but the increasing stress and lack of inherent joy in my running was getting to be more than I was willing to tolerate. So now I am here. I did a workout today and I am running a trail race this weekend. I am in full post-collegiate mode, and it is so freeing. 

To my teammates: Its not you, it's me... and coach. I am always ready to go for a run, so let me know and we'll meet up!

As for my future.... We'll see! I am so excited to have the freedom to pursue my running and athletics however I see fit. I haven't written out a training schedule or racing plan yet, and I don't think I will for a while. My headspace is clean and I plan to continue to just do the things I really truly want to be doing. 

More on the changes to my lifestyle, running and whatever else I think is good, later. 

Until then, quit your job if you hate it!

-Jace

More on: Consistency.

I mentioned before that I don't usually have new years resolutions. That is true but if there were an exception to that this year it is this: I'd like to average over 50 miles a week for all of 2015. 

Depending who you are, that could sound like a lot or a little. For me, this won't be the first time I have done it. In 2013 I was at 48 miles average and in 2012 I hit 55. I don't remember ever being more resilient or in better overall running shape ever before or after. Early in 2014 I took 2 months off to travel and spent much of the rest of the year trying to come back from that and dealing with injury because of it.

Heres a snapshot of a recent February week. The bottom right is the weeks total time and miles.

I could officially say I was healthy as of November/December 2014. This lined up perfectly to have a great 2015. So far, I haven't missed a run for any reason and have definitely averaged somewhere over 50 per week. This is especially exceptional because back in Southern CA (in 2012 and most of 2013), I was not running nearly as much weekly vertical gain so it took less time per week to get mileage in. I am now running similar weekly mileage totals but it is done in more time running.

Wait, that means you run slower!

Yea, it does. But, an increased intensity is there to help compensate for the slower average pace. I am beginning to realize as I prepare for my upcoming half marathon that I really do need to incorporate more faster paced regular runs. Averaging 9 minute pace for 55 minutes as an easy but hilly run is not doing my ability to run well under 6 minute pace for an hour+ any favors. In SoCal I'd often run 7 minute pace for 55 minutes and it'd be very comparable effort due a couple factors. 

-Overall training volume consistency was higher for a longer amount of time, which helped my recovery time.

-Running less vertical distance which allowed for faster paces at easier efforts.

-I had more personal freedom in setting my own running schedule + mileage.

-No Injuries (except for a broken wrist).

My conclusion here is this: My general focus for 2015 is to be more consistent in training volumes week to week, all year. 

What I hope to get out of this:

-Shorten recovery time necessary between running efforts.

-Become more resilient to injury (like I had been for years).

-Be near-racing-shape as often as is benefitial throughout the year. 

-Get in killer shape.

-Widen my racing distance range. 

-Run more (its good for my mind too).

The unrelated but very likable cover of my brand new 2015 running log :)

Upswing | Consistency | Balance | Stress

Upswing:

Running has been going great. I haven't missed any runs, double runs, or workouts at all in months. It's been difficult at times but I have been having a good time with it and have been seeing the results come through in my overall fitness. Workouts are getting better and faster paces feel easier in regular runs too. Racing is coming closer and closer with my half marathon coming up in under 4 weeks now and track meets starting immediately after that, its all lining up well. I am staying optimistic about running the qualifying "A" standard time in the half marathon that'll allow me to compete in the full marathon at NAIA Nationals in May. It will be no small feat to accomplish for me and I do have my hesitation in confidence of actually getting the time standard but focusing on training well and racing hard is my focus for now. Regardless, I am happily training and stoked to be healthy and fit in a way I haven't been for what feels like a really long time (about a year). 

Consistency:

-Daily easy runs near an hour.

-Running twice a day more often than once a day.

-Total weekly time spent running is higher than its almost ever been, and really high quality.

-Diet has never been cleaner and higher in vegetables intake than ever (Mmm veggies).

-Still not really stretching at all but eh whatever!

Balance:

I still watch a decent dose of netflix. I still eat chips just because I like the crunch. I actually bought some BBQ sauce even though I have this kinda odd (health related) aversion to bottled sauces and packaged seasonings... Well it is gluten free, vegan, sugarless BBQ sauce so its hard to feel bad about that haha.

I work, go to school and run, cook and have some sort of personal life, yada yada.. But I am having trouble balancing caring about all of it. I only have so much attention to offer all the things I do in a day or week or month. "Somethings gotta give" right? As long as I keep it all up through this term of school nothing has to give. At least thats the idea! The balancing act feels at times like a really huge accomplishment or skill that should be receiving a huge amount of applause from a giant audience staring in awe. But that is not what people get for the things they choose to do. All we get is the satisfaction of doing whatever it is we're doing. Yea monetary compensation for working, earning some knowledge for studying, etc but what about when it feels like these things are being done for other reasons, less great reasons? It can feel like getting the satisfaction for myself isn't quite worth all the work and the acrobatic balancing act of doing them. 

Have I taken on more than I can handle? The simple answer is yes. I'm glad to recognize this but right now I have to continue dealing with my initial misjudgment of what I can actually do (well) simultaneously. 

Did I mention I do have pretty impressive physical balance... like, an audience would probably applaud at least a little if I walked on a really long hand rail or something like that in front of them. But of course thats not the balance that I am really taking about, and clearly I need to practice this other type of balance a bit more.

Resolution: 

Stress:

I wish it felt more appropriate to write resolution as the heading of this section, but alas--- it doesn't. Stress stress stress. We need stress physically to build or bodies stronger and better than they were yesterday. But it doesn't work without rest immediately following it. A back and forth pattern between the hard stuff and the easy stuff. This pattern can be related to sooo many things. Perhaps the easiest to consider is the natural world. A raging natural forest fire eventually brings healthy and crucial regrowth and revitalization-like a reset button for the area. I like to think about how the shape of a creek changes from one rainy season to the next--or how it doesn't change, based on how much stress is put on it.
Minimizing stress is often times more important than what food we eat. I think so at least. Its just not as easy for me. I can feel hunger, see an apple and a bunch of bananas next to a burger and endless fries with a pit of as much barbecue sauce as anyone could want... And for me, its not very hard at all to eat the apple and bananas, but stress is intangible. It isn't so easy to identify it. And thats what I need to practice more of. Identifying stress that I can control or positively minimize, and then do it. Control the controllables is a common saying, but what I think people (including myself) can easily forget or look past is how much is actually completely controllable. There are very few things in my privileged, convenient, free and open life that I can't positively change and control if not completely then at the very least to some degree.

So, I think next term I may not register for 18 credits. I may improve my study skills and habits. I may find ways to minimize stresses. Maybe find a better way to facilitate the stress to recovery relationship. At the end of the day, I am glad to be actively trying and sometimes succeeding at  improving.

"Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress..." -Plato

Running Log

I keep a consistent training log. It's hand written and goes back to September of 2012 in the same book.  I am starting a new book up with the new year... though I cannot find a medium sized graph paper moleskin notebook anywhere in Ashland.... the search continues!

My log was about as exciting and enjoyable to write/read as my running had been through November. So, not very. I have thought about not logging anything for a few weeks or a month at a time just to relieve myself of the task, maybe of some residual stress associated with performing, documenting and seeing my running take shape in such a serious/set and written form. It sometimes feels like if I didn't write it down, it could be free to be different or better in some mysterious intangible way. But it comes back to wanting to eventually total things up and see what my year quantified up looks like in terms of mileage, time, or the always entertaining page flipping week to week for quick glances at workouts, long runs, and even pretty blank sections and reminisce about the good, bad, and indifferent times.

There had been a lot more indifferent times in 2014 than what is normal for a year in my running log. Now, this is only a running log for me so its not a diary or a journal. Its a written account of my training, primarily for training purposes and to make adjustments in the future. If it contained more personal information about my life maybe I'd find myself flipping back and seeing very clear reasons I felt so indifferent about training, or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad to say that in the last month+ things have begun to swing in the other direction. Things have become more enjoyable and more successful. I have a stronger, more defined motivation and now that I am a month or so into the training schedule for track season I can feel myself becoming much more balanced and strong physically as well which is something I lacked for much of the past year.

I am not often inspired or determined to stick to a new routine or set out specific resolutions when the new year hits. This year is no different in that way. I find that I do enough introspection on a normal basis to put efforts in place that will help change things for the better anytime I recognize something that could use a tune up. This happens on a small scale probably daily, but weekly sounds more believable so I'll go with that. This doesn't usually leave me with much that I feel needs hard outlining when Jan 1st comes around. One of the major things that I feel is different this year is a light. A light at the end of the tunnel. Its far but I can catch a glimpse of it. It is far off but it tastes like graduation. Its about an entire year away and I know it isn't always the great change everyone hopes it would of been once it happens but I'll see how that experience plays out when I get there.

In the mean time, I am motivated right now. I get restless doing the same things for too many sequential months. (Thats why my real full resume that would list all the jobs I have actually had would be 2-4 pages long depending on job task description lengths.) Having this light helps drive me. Knowing that having a dedicated coach and team and task at hand is one of few ways to get the best out of myself as a runner, I can commit and be motivated to achieve and push.

My running log is totaled for 2014. Its kind of awful. But I know it could be oh so much worse. I am excited to be starting 2015 how and where I am. I am (mostly) perfectly healthy and ready to set out and get things accomplished. When desire and action meet, peace can be achieved in my mind. Desire and action are nowhere near always aligned and thats for many reasons, but it feels balanced for now. So I will capitalize on progress and enjoy the process 'till the cows come home.

2014 totals:

First 6 months mileage: 803
Issues: Sick/Sick/Backpacking 2 months

Second 6 months mileage: 626
Issues: Hurt Foot/Crashed Bicycle/ Hurt Foot for a while

2014 mileage: 1429
Positives: Trained on a Bike a lot/Learned about life beyond running.